I recently reread all my old posts and comments on Facebook. Damn, I came a long way. From this weird nerd fucker who writes like: "Oh Hey Thanks I Love Caps On Every First Letter Of My Words," at least I normalised that. Now that I look back at it man, I was fucking weird and creepy.

Oh well, time and experience changes people. I never actually enjoyed all of it, because having a fouler mouth a the day goes by doesn't help when socializing with strangers - but hell, I couldn't give two fucks about what people think about me. But those who can still accept me for who I am, those people are getting closer and closer to me. Refreshing enough, at least. Don't need friends who don't need you.

I just felt like ranting about that. Maybe I have come a long way from what the hell I was back then, as some say. Or maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better and more secure. No matter. Time will tell.

On a side note, I kinda miss writing poetry. But it might reignite unnecessary bursts of feelings that could carry me to a state of hatred and emo-ness. So we will see. I will consider the consequences. Perhaps a request for me to write one could allow me to write without actually resurrecting  such upheaval in my soul.

But this may be the last I will give a chance to my feelings. If the next one doesn't work the way it should, I'd be the ultimate defender of my heart, as such is my brother/coach/trainer. I'd rather have somebody else's Smirnoff bottle break than my own.

On that, I bid thee all farewell. Of hope that the flame will rekindle or perish for all chronos.

So after a recent ordeal in my life and reaching the state of being on the verge of a mental breakdown, I achieved a state of mind that I never thought I could before. I was able to stop overthinking, which was a really bad habit I had - Really helps build headaches and bad feelings.

I've also discovered the importance of being vain. I never actually bothered before - How I look, what I wore, I couldn't give two fucks about it. Until recently my brother said something that made me realise;

"You want someone to love you for who you are, of course; but don't you want someone who loves you inside, as well as outside? You can't deny it - In this world it's important to look good and reliable"

It was then it hit me. So here I am, almost 2 months in training with my brother, and I've found the drive and the need to look good and be healthy as well. Things will change, so will I.

I also started...well, partying. It gets my mind off things very well. It may seem bad to others, but I don't see nothing wrong with it as long as I learn to control myself.

No point being loyal when there is no one loyal to you, no?

And hence two of my three golden rules, that I have upheld for my whole life has been broken. And I have no remorse about it.

My other brother as a counselor said that my happiness is the priority. So here it is. These are the things that make me happy. Life is short, I'd rather not waste a moment of it.

And hence, the death of the poetic soul marks the end of this blog. My final post for all time.

I bid everyone good life and find your happiness.

Finale; Adieu.

Its surprising to me that I actually got an answer for something that puzzled my mind. Although it might had....caused some sort of awkwardness to arise. Heh. I guess sometimes what we think we show is not what others see in their eyes. Perspectives, perspectives. I had been blabbering on about the "Blue Rose", about how unattainable that is, but it would be if I had been much more obvious and truthful in my journey. One lesson learnt today is I should never expect people to be obvious to what I think is obvious - Lest I end up facing obliviousness.

The Journeyman's Folly

An illusive journey he took that day,
Twisting, turning, strolling, frolicking,
Only to lead the Blue Rose astray,
And to gain the title of Dud King.

Had he went straight,
He may have grasped true,
Why toddle in Hell's Eight?
Now the Rose remains Blue.

But a lesson learnt by him in life,
Is sometimes truth is the way to strife,
For sometimes workarounds are naught but ice,
And now he knows not to fool one twice.

The world grows with cruelty,

Reality is something that makes me feel weary.

The folly of this soul to believe that people will actually understand it.