I recently reread all my old posts and comments on Facebook. Damn, I came a long way. From this weird nerd fucker who writes like: "Oh Hey Thanks I Love Caps On Every First Letter Of My Words," at least I normalised that. Now that I look back at it man, I was fucking weird and creepy.

Oh well, time and experience changes people. I never actually enjoyed all of it, because having a fouler mouth a the day goes by doesn't help when socializing with strangers - but hell, I couldn't give two fucks about what people think about me. But those who can still accept me for who I am, those people are getting closer and closer to me. Refreshing enough, at least. Don't need friends who don't need you.

I just felt like ranting about that. Maybe I have come a long way from what the hell I was back then, as some say. Or maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better and more secure. No matter. Time will tell.

On a side note, I kinda miss writing poetry. But it might reignite unnecessary bursts of feelings that could carry me to a state of hatred and emo-ness. So we will see. I will consider the consequences. Perhaps a request for me to write one could allow me to write without actually resurrecting  such upheaval in my soul.

But this may be the last I will give a chance to my feelings. If the next one doesn't work the way it should, I'd be the ultimate defender of my heart, as such is my brother/coach/trainer. I'd rather have somebody else's Smirnoff bottle break than my own.

On that, I bid thee all farewell. Of hope that the flame will rekindle or perish for all chronos.
So after a recent ordeal in my life and reaching the state of being on the verge of a mental breakdown, I achieved a state of mind that I never thought I could before. I was able to stop overthinking, which was a really bad habit I had - Really helps build headaches and bad feelings.

I've also discovered the importance of being vain. I never actually bothered before - How I look, what I wore, I couldn't give two fucks about it. Until recently my brother said something that made me realise;

"You want someone to love you for who you are, of course; but don't you want someone who loves you inside, as well as outside? You can't deny it - In this world it's important to look good and reliable"

It was then it hit me. So here I am, almost 2 months in training with my brother, and I've found the drive and the need to look good and be healthy as well. Things will change, so will I.

I also started...well, partying. It gets my mind off things very well. It may seem bad to others, but I don't see nothing wrong with it as long as I learn to control myself.

No point being loyal when there is no one loyal to you, no?

And hence two of my three golden rules, that I have upheld for my whole life has been broken. And I have no remorse about it.

My other brother as a counselor said that my happiness is the priority. So here it is. These are the things that make me happy. Life is short, I'd rather not waste a moment of it.

And hence, the death of the poetic soul marks the end of this blog. My final post for all time.

I bid everyone good life and find your happiness.

Finale; Adieu.
Its surprising to me that I actually got an answer for something that puzzled my mind. Although it might had....caused some sort of awkwardness to arise. Heh. I guess sometimes what we think we show is not what others see in their eyes. Perspectives, perspectives. I had been blabbering on about the "Blue Rose", about how unattainable that is, but it would be if I had been much more obvious and truthful in my journey. One lesson learnt today is I should never expect people to be obvious to what I think is obvious - Lest I end up facing obliviousness.

The Journeyman's Folly

An illusive journey he took that day,
Twisting, turning, strolling, frolicking,
Only to lead the Blue Rose astray,
And to gain the title of Dud King.

Had he went straight,
He may have grasped true,
Why toddle in Hell's Eight?
Now the Rose remains Blue.

But a lesson learnt by him in life,
Is sometimes truth is the way to strife,
For sometimes workarounds are naught but ice,
And now he knows not to fool one twice.
A darkened heart of one named Vengeance,
For it plagues him like a demonic pestilence,
And he seeks not for equilibrial balance,
For they are nothing but transience. 

A shadowy soul with no remorse,
He marches on with his corrupted horse,
One may wonder what is the source,
Of such destructive feelings and force.

A sudden appearance of a stellar soul,
Had led him astray from his corrupted goal,
For a soul so warm as though a starlit stroll,
To pull him away from the abyssal hole.

"In amorem incideris....Coepi te amare"

But could one so corrupted be cleansed for eternity,
For Vengeance was on the brink of Insanity,
Would he vanquish the evil and gain serenity,
Or would it destroy his hopes and humanity?

Answer not, for Vengeance knows,
The future of which was froze,
For what lies before him destroyed his woes,
Such is the beauty of the Blue Rose.


Here is one, from the poetic soul.

Hope of the Folly

The world grows with cruelty,
Not a single sign of fealty,
Is this the new reality?
Humanity is losing humanity,
Humanity is losing humility,
And in this soul grows insanity,
Judgmental eyes soar the land,
The earth loses all that is grand,
Is it all worth in the end?
Tomfoolery plagues society,
Only to fill one's satiety,
Where goes our sobriety?
I wish for eyes to see the truth,
For the sake of the youth,
Lest our souls be uncouth.

The one rose will give me hope,
To vanquish the soul of this lycanthrope.


Reality is something that makes me feel weary.
I've seen myself as a child who imagined life as something with beauty and hope.
But once faced with the perilous lands of life, you realise that all the things you've hoped for can never be so wrong and superficial.

Not that I really mind - In fact the harshness of life had made me who I am today - Realizing that my feet are indeed, on the soil, not the clouds. Recently I've been listening to this song - "Lost Heaven" by L'arc en Ciel. It's lyrics really does remind me of all the split path that we all took, and how those choices had actually made our heaven become lost. And perhaps all of us could have made better decisions in life. Time flies.

Well, that is what I've been thinking about recently. And being myself, strong feelings draws Firaga to write certain literature arts.

*Lost Heaven, Granted Hell*

The beauty of life,
Shone on each one of humanity,
For each soul to strife,
And achieve serenity.

Time passes - what do we seek?
No longer beauty or happiness in life,
But lust and greed and that of reek,
A split path we all took in life.

For what matters does not,
The paradox of this paradigm,
The unhappy and ignorant lot,
Astray - for that single dime.

The heaven we dreamed of ages ago,
Lost in the midst of the abyss,
Now we live with nary a taste of paradise forgo,
Living in hell is in itself bliss,


The folly of this soul to believe that people will actually understand it.
When people do nothing but try to indoctrinate you with their ideals and thoughts.
They know not of the hell I've lived.
One cannot fathom the pain and suffering.
One will never know how it feels.

But yet, they try to shove their ideals into this tormented soul.
I am here now, on my own two feet.
Nary a single help was given - only words and words and more empty words.
If what you say - you wish me to believe, then prove your words - Show me a decisive evidence.
But if not, stay away from what you know not of - It shall do you better.

They give you hope - they raise you up the mountain, and let go.
They jest with this soul.
They will feel the wrath.
The hatred.
The sorrow.
The madness.
What of it?

Challenge my will.
Otherworldly thoughts are of no meaning on this ground.

They know nothing.
They know not.
I know.
The journeyman scurries for the myth,
Alas - It had led to no avail,
Only to grasp sorrow's glyph,
And a wastage of his sail.

It was then - he knew,
The blue rose - nothing but folklore,
For hope passes as the winds blew,
As he screeched - "No more!"

Left with not a single mark,
As the journeyman left the cell,
For he has lost to the bark -
Of the accursed creature of Hell.

A lesson to learn -
"Chase not a myth, or live for disappointment -
Left with nothing but sorrow to churn,
And to your heart - the strike of Penthos's ailment,"
What's worse than having everything going against you?
Is that you get the most perfect, beautiful dream in your sleep - and waking up realising that that perfection could possibly never be achieved. That all you wanted in life came in a split second - and left you all the same.

I guess that's the ultimatum of my mind's illusion.
The compression of every thought and ideals in my mind.
That elusive beauty that I could possibly never know.

*Elusive Compressive Illusiveness*

The elusive beauty of illusions -
In this compressed memory -
I awake to concussions -
Only to feel sorry -
To this self-ridden soul -
That is void of all perfection -
An infinite loophole -
Carrying this malediction -
For all I wanted is life was achieved -
In the illusion of my mind -
Alas it can never be retrieved -
For elusiveness carries the bind -
Firaga - The flame of life -
Towards this compressive strife -


It is ironic when the one thing that makes you weak is the one thing you need in life. Not that it applies to me (yet), as I have no qualms with being strong and alone, rather than weak and giving half your heart to someone else - and worse if the other person doesn't take care of that half you've given. Everyone needs someone. But we can choose to not be with someone.

So how is it like, needing kryptonite?

Well it basically sucks big time. You need it, but when it gets close enough, you grow weaker and weaker. If  somehow the kryptonite ends up to stay close to your heart until you can merge it together with you - then good for you - you'll probably turn that weakness into your own strength. But what if the kryptonite decides to continue tormenting you - until you fall to your knees - and in the end, failing to acquire it?

If you still don't get my Superman references, well - in layman terms, it basically means that if the one you need in life ends up hurting you and leaving you in the abyss, the pain will drag you to your knees. On the other hand, if the person stays close to your heart - figuratively speaking, then you'd probably be able to turn that weakness into your own strength.

But frankly, the latter has never happened to me. I've got stellar luck in video games, but none of the sort in life games. So what do I do in my position? Even I wonder. All I do is keep up with life - and try not to let it bother me. Although sometimes it does, and I end up writing something here.

Hoping is against my principles, so I try to deter myself from it. But occasionally it does seep its' way through this hardened soul.

Well, whatever. Emotions makes us weak - but it also makes us human. I'm still human, and emotions are inevitable. Alas, all that can be done is to keep my head high, and keep walking forward. Life doesn't wait for humans to weep and cry and breakdown. I've learned that the hard way in my life. 

So buck up, live up. There's more to life than sitting down and weeping.

Albeit all these things - Know that Firaga will be here - gazing upon the blue rose.

I've always believed that living alone and relying mostly on yourself is the way to go in life. True enough, as I've reach this level of university with efforts done that nobody can help you with. But knowing that you've learned the hard way to live life - Knowing that in the end, you can only rely on yourself is quite a bitter things to live with. I guess I've reached that level, where I'm on the tip of the scale - whether I will choose to embrace my solitary life, or will I stand here, waiting for the blue rose that will never come? I wouldn't know. A heart hurt countless times tends to want to avoid itself from getting hurt again. But that is something one needs to ponder deeply. For if the blue rose does exist - and as one finally finds it - mayhap the solitary sadness within will shatter into pieces.

But as a friend said to me - ask yourself - can you live without it?

I know I can. But I know I don't want to. Life's down enough. Facing it alone? I'd rather not. After facing it alone for 20 years, I don't think anyone would want to continue living a life of shit being tossed at you and you have nobody to turn to.

When you've lived strong for all your life, there are times where you wanna share it all together with someone, knowing that when things go awry - there is somebody who'll be there for you. Its reassuring, no?

So, whatever. Just gonna hold out as always for now. Growing tired of it, but the moment you give up is the moment you lose. Living strong is the way to go. Its how I've been living for years, and I don't plan on losing to life's everlasting rain of poop.

Well, whatever. Live strong and heartless - you'll be pain-proof. But you'll lose something very important in the process. Adieu.
Its funny when sometimes history repeats itself in ways you can never imagine. Sometimes they repeat for the worse, for the better, and sometimes it seems like a repetitive dilemma. Recently I was pondering - maybe this is the opening to set things right of what I did back then in the same situation. But there is one thing i still lack, which is self control, I guess. I think that this is the part of me that I never learn, even if history repeats a hundred times.I try not to hope, but maybe a little bit of hope wouldn't hurt. Alas, the time has come again where the petrified heart of mine to start beating, slowly and steadily.

Oh..well. I'm lost for words to say. But here is an ode.

Once more the journeyman sets off,
To search of the blue rose,
A path that could make him go soft,
As passion starts to move close.

An urban legend it may be,
Yet here he is - Firaga - scorching a path,
Believing in the small chance that it could be
Not a lie - holding on to this single faith.

If the journey proves fruitful -
Firaga will grasp happiness,
And rectify what is uneventful,
To be cured of this sickness.


Adieu, good night.
Its not a new thing to me. But may seem to be new to some.

Living a life of hell and having people lack understanding about you is how I've been living over the past years of my life. I never do complain about it usually. But sometimes when you keep everything to yourself, things seems bleak on your end. You try to tell it to the people you think are the closest to you but they lack understanding of your soul. Surprising enough, considering they've been with you for as long as you can remember.

In the end, when you're left alone, you know you can only rely on yourself and nothing else. Sometimes your strength may seem inadequate, but it is as such because you are still a single body. Holding on to false hope is only going to make things worse. So I decided to live reality. The bleak reality of the living whose humanity has been close to zero. When you hope for nothing, you have no expectation. Expectations that do not come true only brings more scars.

So this is my ode to myself - an ode of the world's abyss.

A life,
Not as beautiful as the blooming of flowers,
Nor as lively as the green glades,
Not as hopeful as the magnificent sun,
Yes, this is not a rich kid's life,
This is mine, of dark abyss.

Life defecates on my soul,
Laughing and loving as I suffer through,
Draining my vitality - Plaguing my spirit,
But disbelieve keeps me alive,
For I have no need for chants and support,
When I have damned my own self.

To those judging me right now,
I am not here to please you,
I am not a spoiled brat who suffered null,
You cannot fathom the hell I've lived,
In the seemingly endless chaos I scurry through,
Of the bottomless pit I dive into.

I call to thee,
Be not a shadow of me,
Know that there is more to life,
Give up hope and heartless you will be,
As how I act to hide it all,
Let my mask be your reality.

This is an ode to the soul I destroyed recently. May it rest in peace. (or pieces).

My stallion strives roughly,
When you ran along the road,
For then I trampled you thoroughly,
For an accident deserves an ode,
An unintentional act,
As I tried to avoid,
Alas, your brain is on crack,
And my efforts were void.
Clearly your road ends before your time,
But perhaps not all is bad from this,
Mayhap your idiot genes are a crime,
And I'm clearing it from the list.
Trust not your allies,
Or hear your own cries,
Trust not your brothers-in-arms,
For they will raze your farms.

Trust not your lover,
Or your love will soon be over,
Trust not your people,
Never once they form a clean steeple.

I beseech you,
Not everyone remains true,
Chrono's wheels changes all souls,
To conjure up various roles.

But do put trust in one party,
Your closest family whole-heartedly,
A nuisance they may seem at times,
But love unchanging is sublime.

I am Fantasy's flame,
Valk goes my nickname,
Do not live alone as I do,
If you cannot take the hell I pace through.